What To Wear? (Not really historical, for a change)

One of my underlings* asked me to look at a dress she had picked out for a wedding.

“Laura, isn’t it so cute?”

“This is for a wedding?”

“Yes, my cousin’s wedding.”

“And why are you buying a black dress? Did you recently fall out of the white-trash tree?”

Recently, there was a story submitted to my new favorite site, EtiquetteHell.com, involving what one should/shouldn’t wear to a wedding.

There was a lot of bickering, but essentially some people felt that black was acceptable (even appropriate) to wear to a wedding, and others disagreed. I was one of those who vehemently disagreed, and even cited a Miss Manners article where she states flat out that black is suited for funerals, not for weddings. In fact, the only exception I can see is when the bridesmaids are wearing black – but then should the guests dress like the
bridesmaids?

But I don’t have the money for a new dress!

One of the lamer complaints was that a lady on a tight budget doesn’t have the money to shell out for a new dress for every event, so sticks with a black one. I guess there aren’t Salvation Army stores/Thrift Stores/the f-ing internet where they live. I just bought a new-with-tags floor-length formal that was originally purchased at Dillard’s (Lord & Taylor-type store for you Northerners) for over $120. Guess what I paid on eBay? $13.00.
Yeah, that was really tough on my pocketbook. Heck, my mother made one of my prom dresses, and the cost including the expensive fabric was around $60. Those people who whine that they can’t afford something non-black are lazy.

But I don’t have time to make a dress, or buy another one!

Yet you found time to buy the black one with the matching strappy heels. Hmm… Just go on eBay and fill in the search for your size/skirt length/price/etc. It searches for you. No brainwork is necessary. Amazon.com has free shipping for most of their stuff. Overstock.com offers 2.95 shipping for all orders.

But I look good in black, and hate wearing pastels!

So wear dark green, or burgundy. Duh. Not black.

Yeah... but you aren't Audrey Hepburn. She's allowed to wear black anywhere.

But it’s an evening cocktail party reception! I can’t wear a sundress there.

Of course not. Do what most people do: Wear your festive colors to the wedding at the church/vineyard/beach, then change before the reception. Again, I shouldn’t have to do your thinking for you.

Moral of the story: Miss Manners knows more than you. Don't argue with the woman. Her last name is "manners" for God's sake. And don't wear black to my wedding.

*I have two underlings. This was Underling A.